RoomFour9

Chris Shin - 2012 "Tired as 0000."

Its been almost a year since my last entry. I see the benefit of leaving the thought in a room that you can always come back to.

Last blog I wrote about how I was afraid that I would become an workaholic.

In fact, I did become one.

Got shit done.

Became smarter.

But I am so tired.

I gotta make this happen.

I can't slow down now.

I have to push harder.

But balance. Its the key.

Balance.

As the same, my heart aches for the ones who are in need.

I was there, but no one came.

I want to be there for them.

I want to tell them that they can do it.

That money follows talent, honesty and hard work.

That they should never settle down.

That they live only once. Once, just this once.

And they gotta do it right. The reason?

Its the same reason behind the heart aches.

Can I just Rant my mind outta space?

I think its time for traveling. Not vacation, but travelling. Slowly, I think I am becoming a workaholic. If I am not working, I feel guilty. I have to be always thinking about it. I am pushing aside my family and friends for work. But I just see it like - If I work hard now and make this happen, My Family and friends are set in the future. I feel great sometimes and low sometimes. Its such a jump from here to like over over there. I really need to help the poor people. I know that is what I was called to do. I need to stop making excuses and just start little. At least a little. At least a small tiny bit of my mind on them. I want to be super focused. I hope I dont become a workaholic...

11.23.2010

You Dirty You

I dont know how to put this but....

Its been really difficult.

Alpha, Omega, Infinity.

So much Pain.

like a water marching with pure hatred into a scar of a ship.

It pours, it pours

its trying to drown me down.

Happy memories tear fleshes of love... or pain out of me.

I dont know the difference,

my scream stirring well on my chest feels pain because I choose to love.

And so love is with pain.

I dont know the difference.

Sometimes I just am, other times I am not.

Right is wrong and left is right.

Its like swimming in a oil spill,

You fall with fear with the horrific scent of oil gunning your nostrils.

Then you fall.

Its cold, you cant breath, a gulp of oil instead of the needed air.

Heavy arms, heavy legs, cant see - all senses of logic shut down.

and All you are trying to do is

get the hell out of there.

And it will be the best F***ing fight I will ever give.