12.23.2009

Lord, when the birds found no seeds,

and the flowers withered from their beauty,

I was a man without bread.

Frantically I fought to seek my bread.

In panic I fought to clothe my family.

You belonged in the peripheral and I lost my rock; my love.

I sought my shield with my own hands.

I ran hard, ahead of you.

It was I.

It was I.

But, now I see that I have been a fool.

I sought the world. I gave it my soul.

Thus he emptied me and I was left in destitute.

But now I see that all along,

you were by my side.

Give me nor riches or poverty.

Give me steady hands that works diligently.

Thank you lord for your steady provision.

Let me be a man of balance, a man who keeps afar from Greed.

You are my bread.

You are my rock.

You are the point of existence.

In steadfast feet.

In firmness.

Step by step.

Each step with all honesty and gratitude.

Each step in the honor of your name.

All I need in life is you by my side.

12.22.2009

Dear Friend, Charlie.

I am sorry I havent written you in a while. Its been hectic adapting to my new environment. Physically, culturally I guess. I should really tell you what I have been up to, but its really hard to muster up the effort to do so.

There has been something on my mind lately. And I think its really important that I think more about this. I feel lost and confused. I don't know which way to go. Why is it now that I realize that I am lost?

Which way to go. So many paths, so many choices.

I am an indecisive person and this must not be good.

I should stop writing about my self. It gets me really depressed, when I am so self focused.

So I am teaching a student named TJ. He is a unique person, the way he thinks, the way he carry's himself. He is not like me, but there is a part of me which understands him very deeply. That very deep part, which I have hard time accepting and coping with, is a characteristic I try to love.

Charlie, I am sorry. I must stop writing. My head is about to explode.

Thanks for always reading.

Chris

Too much for today.

Dec. 15.2009

Hey Charlie, How are you?

Today I arrived to Korea. Two days before I was at my friend's Graduation Party. It was at a canbin in the Blue Ridge Mountains. By the time we arrived to our lodge, it was very very dark. Something about driving in the dark, on top of mountains, sprinkled with unfamiliarity really trips me out. Anyways, I barely slept that night because everyone was having so much fun. When I came back from the trip my friends and family asked me how the party was. I tell them it was fun. Then they ask me what I did, and I cant really answer that question because we didnt really do anything. When I try to call back that night, I just remember people yelling and laughing.

The day after, I went to church, because I need to and want to. Wether the need and the want comes from guilt, habit, or my love for God.... I cant really tell. I would like to say I didnt want to miss church because I love God and my church, But I think it would be a lie if I told you that was the whole truth. Many times when I am church, I feel so confused an lost.
I get the sermons, and the songs... I dont get lost there. Its after the services. Things get so fast paced after the services, as if I am standing in middle of New York time square. Everyone is moving with a direction in mind, I dont know where to go, who to follow or what I even should do. I mean I know of everyone there, but for some reason, I stand in the coner of the felloship hall like a man trying to get onto a fast moving train. But I have to admit that there are many good people there. There is this friend of mine named Ben. He recently had a daughter. Every time I go to church, he approaches me to say hi and just to ask about how everything is. I enjoy his presence and our topics of discussion which mostly relates to our current life issues - and most of the revolves around our family and work. What is different about him is that when I talk to him I dont feel rushed. I mentioned earlier that I feel like church is time square sometimes. So it happens that many times I feel rushed to answer, because they are probably asking to be polite. If they were really interested like Ben was, I would tell them the truth about my life. But I know, they are too busy to care. But I hope that they know, I want to know the truth about their life.

Charlie... there are many more things to write... but I am too tired now. I know you sincerely enjoy my letters. There is so muh of me to reveal to you. But due time I will unwrap my self to you one by one.

I dont know,

I just want you to know who I am.

Chris

A Shot of Espresso

You know, its been nice just living these days.

Really, life CAN be beauitful, your aims gotta be good though. Its funny... is this a part of the process of becoming old? Recently I have been falling in love with the nature where the trees, skys, waters, flowers, scapes, and colors mend in harmony to create such a vary of unique emotions in me. Its weird, but I do know that it makes me quite happy to see beauty in God's creations. I guess I mentioned that this might be part of getting old. And what I mean by that is, I am maturing through experiences and thinking. The more I know the more I see... Maybe then, I have experienced much of God's beauty.

Your Love is in my Soul

Been searching, soul seeking. Meanings to my searching, its something that I've been asking.

Then and now, here and tomorrow, years after sorrow and when I arrive to that final tomorrow.
I am gone, forever, and ever and ever erased, wiped, clean off of this earth.

So why the pleasure chasing, raking within greed, lying, deceit, all this pain staking.
And why the hate, which locks me up like an inmate, and I say it!
I Love to hate.

But Lewis said that there is a satisfaction to every burning desire,
A dire desire this world can't seem to expire - I am surely not of this plastic empire!

Keep focused, bless me to keep my eyes locked and loaded.
I shall fear no evil, even my self, for you have over taken me.

With your grace, show me mercy
- when I seek my imagined righteous dues, and with hues of stink I leave your way -
Pave the way back to our sweet home and guide me through.

Penetrating my doubts, your voice echoes in my soul.
That That That echo which shatters me so,
so completely.


" My Love is in your soul."

I want your lechuga . what the hell.

I have gone nuts here. Your kicking me in the guts where, there is this pain.

I need you: was it something with this plagued place, and the ugly, or the its this or just moi.

I think its et moi, et moi!... who wrecked him up.

The thing about this whole rigged life is that I am masochistic narcissist.

Last sentences, including this one is about this masochistic narcissist,
who is really not worth the quad of a card.

Ahhhhh!!!!!

Help your child.

yours truely

i wish i could tell it to you star,
your a million miles away.
but i need you so much right now, right here.
who will close the hole in my jar of dreams.
who will rid the empty seat lit on gray.
who will prop me up, dust me clean, and make me new?
i want to tell it to you star,
just how much i need me in you.
but your a million miles away
i wish you could hear me mourn.
oh, you would come.
but your a million miles away.

Servent

Simplicity at hist best.
Purity at his best.
Its the truth that I live by.
Its Jesus Christ in me, to live.

He overflows out of me, He rests, resides, lives, works in my soul.
Its the first step that I am taking again. Its Jesus in me and my body moves accordingly.

Get to know Jesus Christ who gave all to save your soul. A king who gave up his kingship, became a slave to love you so. Seek Him with all your heart, mind and soul.
Like a lost child looking for his mother.

Remember that when live gets hard - you live not for a comfortable circumstances.
You live to enjoy life with God, family and friends through the hard times and Good times.
Up and down is inevitable in life,
But the well of Jesus Christ never dries nor dissatisfies.

Believe in the living spirit, living God, and act like a person who believes.

Dont Give up!

When your weak body speaks against your will, all it takes is a MOVE and a NO to make it dissappear.

Live bigger than this life.
Live for the Eternity and everything is going to fall into place.

Love pain.
Love Hardship.
Love hardwork.
Love suffering.
Because they make you stronger.

Stay away from
over indulgence,
sleep,
laziness,
hate,
selfishness, quick anger,
giving up,
and sin,
They make you weaker and forget God.

Lastly,
love your neighbors,
Live, Truly Live,
Smile - like God.

May 09

So Hot & sO fuN